Today was the perfect day for the first fire of the season. I pulled on my boots and went out for a load of firewood, treading over orange and yellow leaves as I went, and catching a few in my hair as they blew across the pasture. Sitting here now, taking deep breaths and trying to build up the courage I need to share today's post, I can hear the cracking of the wood as it burns. The smell of it brings so many sweet and distant memories to my mind, but I'm ready for new memories now, new sweet moments, new smiles for myself and my little children. I'm ready for the next chapter, the next part in the story of the 25-year-old mom of five, who lost her sweet husband after a long hard battle with terminal cancer. The last 18 months have changed us profoundly, but after so many prayers on our behalf, and so much hope for us to find happiness and joy, I'm ready to move forward with more faith, to let go of fear, and I'm ready to share some news that I've been keeping to myself for the last little while. I'm ready to introduce you to Richard.
The cliff-notes version: We met over 10 years ago while we were both in high school. We started writing letters to eachother, and kept it up for several years. We became incredibly close and helped one another through some tough years. When I became engaged to Martin, Richard and I parted ways as friends. We didn't reconnect until very recently, and things started moving fast between us. We had grown so close all those years ago, and were very much able pick up where we'd left off.
Having Richard around felt so easy and natural, and there was a turning point early on when we both saw clearly where we were headed. We felt like our lives were pieces of the same puzzle, and saw so many signs from different places that we were moving in the right direction. After much prayer and peaceful confirmation, we made the choice to be married. We did so in a small private ceremony on top of a mountain, and it was simple and perfect. (wedding photos coming soon:))
There is so much hope in our lives now, so much love and peace. Seeing the kids dog-pile him on the floor while I cook dinner, or lining up for piggy-back rides has been so heart-warming. He holds them when they cry and reads to them when they're sick. There is so much more laughter from them, so much excitement for each day, and having a partner to share in everything I've carried on my back for so long is such a blessing. Martin and I talked many times about my future after he was gone, about our five little ones, and I can't help but feel like he has played a large part in how things have worked out. I know he is as grateful as I am for this wonderful man who has come to love and take care of his family.
I know to my core that everything happens for a reason and that Richard was sent to mend our hearts and heal our home when we needed him the most. His life experiences have prepared him in many ways for our families' unique situation, and he recognizes what he's taking on. Incredibly, he understands how much we love and miss Martin, and his desire to help keep Martins' memory alive is obvious. We all feel so incredibly blessed to have him.
I look forward to sharing more about my history with Richard and how our unique and beautiful story has unfolded. I also feel strong desires to open up more about parts of Martin's story between his diagnosis and passing. There are many lessons that I've learned and would like to convey for those who may benefit, myself included. I feel that I want to express more of that part of my life here in the coming months, as well as sharing the beginning of this new chapter.
As I'm wrapping this up and the coals in the fire glow gently, I'm more grateful for your kindness and love than ever before, as it is still so needed. Though this is a wonderful time for us with many happy changes, our hearts are still tender and healing. I have truly felt the effects of so many many prayers on our behalf, and the outreach of love through comments and emails, etc. I wish I could express how much they mean to me, and I hope you all realize how much they have helped carry me through the storm.
More coming soon,
