The babes are all asleep and the house is quiet. The only sounds I hear are the crickets outside the open window, and the clicking of the keys beneath my fingertips. I imagined starting this post with some bullet points about what I've been up to with my little ones lately, with maybe a couple photos out of my archives added in, but that'll all have to come another day. Tonight I have a couple thoughts instead.
There's a great philosophical question to the effect of; "If a tree falls in the woods with no one around to hear it, does it even make a sound?" It's a question about observation and our knowledge of reality if there is no witness to it. Since my sweethearts passing(six weeks ago today), one of my greatest struggles has been feeling like that fallen tree. Wondering to myself that 'if the most important witness to my life is gone, and I'm on my own as a mother to so many small children, what does any of it matter? and do I even matter?'
I know the right answer to those questions of course, and feel silly even typing them, but with each busy day and quiet night, every time I reach for a hand that's no longer there, and every morning waking from sweet dreams only to have my new reality come rushing back at me all over again, I can't help but feel that way.
I do have five little witnesses, though, and they don't let me forget it for a minute:) In their sweet innocence, they see when I'm exhausted and when I put in effort. They notice when I smile and when I cry, they thank me for cooking, and compliment me when I do my hair. It's not quite the same of course, but I'm adjusting all the time. I have to.
Mothering is my life now, my purpose, and that's enough for me.
They need me, and I need them more. No matter how crippled I may feel by Martin's absence, or when I feel like giving up, they've always there to keep me grounded. They've gotten me through so much already. I'm doing it for them, because even when I may have feelings of meaninglessness, they mean everything to me. They're my whole life now, my little pile of children. They hear when I fall, and they're right there to help me back up, along with all of you dears out there:)
How lucky I am.
P.S. Thank you so much for encouraging me to share what's on my heart, and I hope you're okay with many more late-night thoughts like this moving forward. xoxo
There's a great philosophical question to the effect of; "If a tree falls in the woods with no one around to hear it, does it even make a sound?" It's a question about observation and our knowledge of reality if there is no witness to it. Since my sweethearts passing(six weeks ago today), one of my greatest struggles has been feeling like that fallen tree. Wondering to myself that 'if the most important witness to my life is gone, and I'm on my own as a mother to so many small children, what does any of it matter? and do I even matter?'
I know the right answer to those questions of course, and feel silly even typing them, but with each busy day and quiet night, every time I reach for a hand that's no longer there, and every morning waking from sweet dreams only to have my new reality come rushing back at me all over again, I can't help but feel that way.
I do have five little witnesses, though, and they don't let me forget it for a minute:) In their sweet innocence, they see when I'm exhausted and when I put in effort. They notice when I smile and when I cry, they thank me for cooking, and compliment me when I do my hair. It's not quite the same of course, but I'm adjusting all the time. I have to.
Mothering is my life now, my purpose, and that's enough for me.
They need me, and I need them more. No matter how crippled I may feel by Martin's absence, or when I feel like giving up, they've always there to keep me grounded. They've gotten me through so much already. I'm doing it for them, because even when I may have feelings of meaninglessness, they mean everything to me. They're my whole life now, my little pile of children. They hear when I fall, and they're right there to help me back up, along with all of you dears out there:)
How lucky I am.
P.S. Thank you so much for encouraging me to share what's on my heart, and I hope you're okay with many more late-night thoughts like this moving forward. xoxo
from The Freckled Fox http://ift.tt/2abtuoT
a fallen tree - Natural hairstyle for mens and womens
